imATHLETE’s relationship with the Santa Claus Corporation reveals important gift insights
We are jingling our bells and twirling our candy canes with excitement to announce the launch of the Holiday Gift Insight Series (HGIS), a follow-on to our information-rich imATHLETE Data Insight Series (iDIS).
The HGIS is a partnership between imATHLETE and Santa Claus Inc. (dba SC Inc., a North Pole Corporation) that focuses on trends in holiday gift wishes. Ongoing trend analysis by HGIS statisticians has revealed that Christmas wishes by adults are experiencing significant year-over-year growth in the endurance sports sector.
Among the most popular requests are high-end running shoes, GPS watches, power meters, carbon frame bikes, race wheels, athletic apparel and, oddly, nose plugs for swimming.
Alabaster Snowball, elf spokesperson for SC Inc, said, “Grown-ups used to be content with a book or argyle socks, or even a gift card to Chipotle, all of which could easily be hidden amongst the children’s gifts. This year’s data, showing grown-ups running and riding bikes like children, has compelled us to re-examine our processes. It has also opened up opportunities with new suppliers.”
Our research has also revealed the impact this change has had on delivery logistics. Specifically, it has required reindeer engineers to develop new, complex algorithms for efficient gift distribution.
Beginning this year, recipients will be grouped by their relative nice- or naughtiness-ness. As points of reference, niceness is characterized by such behaviors as thanking race volunteers or even volunteering themselves, whereas naughtiness is typified by such behaviors as pushing other participants or complaining to race organizers about things beyond their control.
Gift delivery will take place in order of assigned “corrals”: very nice, somewhat nice, a bit naughty and absolutely dreadful. Those in the “very nice” corral are eligible to receive gifts such as high-end GPS watches or shiny new bikes, while those in the dreadful category should be happy to receive a used gel packet, if they even get that. “You get what you get and you don’t get upset,” pronounced SC Inc. COO and co-founder, Mrs. S. Claus.
SC Inc. CEO, Kris Kringle, was unavailable for comment, though a sign on his office door read “tapering, do not disturb."
About Santa Claus Inc.
The Santa Claus Inc. organization was founded by CEO Kris Kringle (aka Santa Claus, aka Santa, aka St. Nick) and his wife/business partner and company COO, Mrs. Claus (aka the Boss). Over the years, SC Inc. has revolutionized delivery systems throughout the world, including managing dramatics seasonal spikes in traffic at the postal service as well as efficiently compiling data from millions of channels – hand written, digitally sent, word of mouth and via millions of SC Inc. brand ambassadors (aka fake Santas). The SC Inc. organization is also the largest provider of world census data and the single largest compiler of behavioral data about people from all over the world. SC Inc. has created (and maintains patents) on many of the most popular operational and logistics elements of our world, including GPS, data management and weight bearing methodologies for animal flight. SC Inc. continues to maintain its position as the largest investor in Amazon.com, where Mrs. Claus sits on the Board.